


Cocoa

by NCSP



Series: Something to tell you [8]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Adventures: Avengers, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mpreg, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-12
Updated: 2018-10-12
Packaged: 2019-07-29 22:55:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16274075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NCSP/pseuds/NCSP
Summary: Tony has to face the aftermaths of his reckless actions.





	Cocoa

“Tony, what’s wrong?”

Jarvis turned partially on the lights and Loki was able to see Tony curled up on himself, his chest heaving and obviously causing him pain since his lungs were pressing on his ribs with too much strength.

“Tony, talk to me. What’s wrong? Are you hurt? What happened?” he approached the shivering human and put a hand on his arm, but that didn’t elicit any reaction from him.

“Mr. Stark is having a panic attack, sir,” Jarvis clarified since its creator wasn’t answering, “Not the first time,” the AI added.

Oh.

Loki did’t know that. He was unaware of the fact that the person he loved the most suffered from panic attacks. Tony had never told him, never mentioned it even when he woke up screaming from his nightmares; the fact he was so good at calming him down, though, was easier to understand now. Tony acted on his own experience to find a way to make him feel better, and Loki hadn’t even noticed.

“Here. Come here,” he draped his arms around Tony, gently kissing his temple. He knew he wasn’t good at being supportive with other people, or at least that he had no experience at all since no one had ever come to him for comfort, but there was no way in hell he would’ve abandoned Tony to his panic.

“Breathe slowly. It’s alright, there’s nothing to worry about.”

“I… I…”

“Tell me, I’m here to listen.”

“I… I could’ve lost you. Both of you,” he panted, turning around in Loki’s arms.

So it was about that morning. What had thrown him in that spiral of panic and anguish were the facts of that day; reality was sinking in, and now he was realising what he had risked that morning with his reckless actions.

“You’re here though. Safe and sound,” Loki soothed, stroking his back, “Take deep breaths, I know it hurts but it’ll make you feel better.”

“I could’ve lost you…”

“Things could’ve ended badly had you been alone, but you weren’t. You aren’t,” the kiss landed on Tony’s forehead this time, but that wasn’t still enough to calm him.

It wasn’t usual for Loki to see his words fail at persuading people, but this time they weren’t enough. Tony was still shacking uncontrollably, and he was growing worried for his ribs that could’ve damaged his lungs if he continued like that.

“Have I already shown you the baby?” He changed the subject, trying another tactic. If soft spoken words didn’t work, maybe making Tony focus on something else would have.

Tony shook his head no, grasping Loki’s shirt as if it were his only anchor.

“Give me your hand then,” he was forced to get out of Tony’s grasp to make him lay on his back and be able to take his hand without causing more damage to his injured arm, “Here, your hand,” Loki intertwined his fingers with his, “I need you to focus though, if I don’t have your complete attention on me it won’t work, darling. Focus on me, come on,” he encouraged him, gently stroking his chest with his free hand.

Tony’s eyes lost a little of that fear that was glazing them as they trained on Loki, and he nodded when all he could see was a pair of green worried eyes.

“Good, now follow my voice. Listen to me, it’ll all be fine. There’s nothing to fear now. What’s causing you this reaction is gone, there’s nothing left of that now. You were afraid of not being there to see your child, let me solve that,” he was forced to focus much more than normal to be able to perform that simple magic, but it was worth it when Tony’s breathing slowed down to an almost normal rhythm.

“That…?”

“Yes, you saw the baby. Not actually the way Bruce showed you, now you managed to see the aura of the child. It won’t stay like this since for now it’s too little to have a personality of its own, but that’s the beginning,” he smiled tiredly at Tony who was trying to keep his breathing steady even though now that the distraction was over it was becoming more difficult.

“Are you feeling a little better now?”

Tony closed his eyes and nodded, but he wasn’t convincing at all.

“Is there something I can do?”

“Cold,” he muttered, “I need something cold.”

For a moment Loki contemplated the idea of getting to the fridge and take a few ice cubes to refresh him, but Tony expression was too pained to even think for a second to leave him alone, so he simply turned his hand blue and pressed it against Tony’s forehead.

A relieved expression appeared on Tony’s face, so Loki went on with his ministration, letting his blue fingers glide on the man’s skin; the way Tony’s frown had lessened at the mere touch of his cold fingers had almost made him reconsider what he knew about jotuns for a second, but he was also glad Tony’s eyes were closed, so that he wasn’t actually seeing the colour of his hand.

“Better now?”

“Yes. A little,” he had to add for completeness’ sake.

“You should get up. Here, let me help you,” with a hand on Tony’s back he managed to help him in an upright position, “Let’s get you something warm to drink, mmh?”

Tony nodded once more, following Loki’s instructions as if his life depended on it, but changing position and being able to curl up against his chest were already doing wonders to his quickened heartbeat.

They reached the open kitchen once more in the middle of the night, but this time their roles were reversed.

“You want tea or something stronger? You’re allowed a glass of scotch now if you want it, I won’t oppose to that.”

“Not a good idea with the painkillers,” Tony mumbled, resting his safe elbow on the kitchen counter and his hanging head on his hand.

“Shouldn’t you be taking one now, anyway? Eight hours have surely passed,” he looked out of the window, getting confirmation of his assumption on the time by the stars dotting the night sky.

“No, not now.”

“It’s the right time, they’d relieve you at least from the pain of your bones.”

“No, they’s do me no good,” Loki questioning gaze forced him to go on, “Not with my… recovery.  Taking pills when I’m feeling like shit isn’t the best idea for me. Nor alcohol. I used to do that way too often for my own good. I could relapse if I were to choose this path,” he expected Loki to start a long tirade about how stupid he had been to do that to himself, how weak he was for choosing such idiotic ways to deal with his problems instead of manning up and face the shit he was going through. Maybe Loki would’ve even realised he was but a stupid mortal and left. That wouldn’t have been unexpected.

“Tea it is, then.”

Tony’s head shot in his direction to understand what was going on, but his eyes landed on Loki’s back since the god was reaching for a teabag in one of the cupboards.

“Not tea,” he said when he recovered from his surprise.

“Why not tea?” Loki asked turning around.

“It tastes like dirty hot water.”

“What then?”

“Cocoa?” He asked with a hopeful small voice.

Loki snorted a small laugh and made to start preparing what he had been requested, but he was forced to stop, “Tony?”

“Yes?”

“How do I make cocoa?”

And with that Tony’s attack ended.

The next few hours saw them on the couch as always when it had been Loki’s nightmares to wake them up, but this time Tony’s head was resting on Loki’s torso, his broken arm on his belly.

“You want to talk about it?”

“Not really.”

“You’re the one who told me it’s better to.”

Tony remained silent for a few moments, his fingers drawing small circles on Loki’s shirt, “Will you stay?”

“Here? The sofa is quite comfortable, I don’t see why not.”

“I mean if I tell you.”

Loki sighed. He definitely wasn’t made for this, for the role of the supportive and caring partner. Not that he didn’t want to, but he would’ve never been half as good as Tony was at that, “How many times have you been the one to bring me here in the dead of night because I couldn’t stay in bed any longer?”

“It’s different. Nothing bad happened to me.”

“But it has happened this morning, it’s fine to be a little shaken.”

Tony hummed something against his side that Loki interpreted as his current way to agree, but a good quarter of an hour passed before he opened his mouth again.

“I’m still not really cool with… being helpless. Not being able to move, to… escape if I have to, that’s still not really okay. It has been better lately, but I guess that today was a trigger of some sort, with my damn arm under the debris of that wall, but since I managed to stay calm this morning I though I had put that shit behind my back, but here I am again, panicking like an idiot.”

Loki remained silent, giving him room to speak.

“Just an idiot, that’s what I am. I thought I had been able to man up, to put myself together, but no sir, I haven’t even been able to do that.”

“Okay, now you will put an end to this. This was meant to let you unwind, not to make you feel worse. I’m not good at this, but since you don’t seem in your right state of mind it’s up to me to stop this madness,” he forced Tony to move his face a little and look him in the eyes, “I don’t know where this’s coming from, but you should really stop now, and I mean stop thinking that.”

“Why? It’s the truth.”

“Where’s this coming from? I understand stress, but this’s completely unexpected.”

“So now you’ll leave me? Go back to Asgard where you’re not forced to live with a coward mortal?”

“Forced? What in Valhalla are you talking about?” He propped himself up on his elbows, but what was meant as a move to be able to participate more to the conversation was interpreted by that odd version of Tony as a confirm of what he was thinking.

“Okay, fine, I should’ve expected that,” he got up, seemingly not even taking notice of the pain in his chest, at least not the one caused by his ribs, “Everyone eventually leaves.”

“Has your doctor checked your head? Because I’m quite sure you have a concussion,” Loki grabbed Tony’s chin to look him in the eyes, but all he saw was the aftermath of that anxiety attack, “You’re not a coward. You are a hero to the people of your land, even if you’re so prone at denying that. And getting to me, I really wonder how you came up with this idea that is so stupid it isn’t even worth commenting that I may be inclined to leave you right now. Did you hit your head that hard, pray tell?” He climbed on Tony’s lap, wanting Tony to focus on him and on him only.

The genius simply lowered his head against Loki’s shoulder.

“It has something to do with your father, hasn’t it?”

“How do you know that?”

‘’That ‘yes, sir’; it’s not a mannerism of yours, and even though sometimes you mention your mother you never talk about him.”

“Discussing horrible fathers with you,” he snorted, “I should really man up and stop whinging.”

“That’s entirely different.”

“Right, my father neglected me and insulted me, but at least he didn’t opt for torture as an educational method.”

Loki rolled his eyes. His body only craved sleep right now, but there was no way he would’ve let Tony with that mess alone, “We come from different cultures, darling, and Odin’s not even my real father. Here on Midgard you have a different conception of family than we have on Asgard, children here have different expectations.”

“But I‘m not a child anymore.”

“You were when your expectations were disappointed and your merits not recognised.”

“That’s not an excuse.”

Loki was forced to blink a few times to keep his eyes open, “It isn’t an excuse because there’s nothing to be sorry about.”

Tony tried to listen to him, but when his eyes landed on Loki’s face all he noticed was how tired the god looked, “Here’s another proof. You need to rest because you’ve had to rescue me since I wanted to prove how good I am at getting things done on my own and I’m just keeping you up. ‘A pathetic fool’, that’s what you’d probably call me if you weren’t almost asleep.”

“I’d never call you that. Not meaning it at least,” he added for good measure, because he knew better than giving Tony a tool to retort right now, “Your father would. Your father’s voice in your head would say it,” he nuzzled Tony’s neck, and his weight on the man’s lap seemed to ground him.

Tony breathed slowly, his uninjured arm around Loki’s waist and the broken one resting on his legs; it was painful to breathe like that, to let air fill his lungs, expand his chest and clean his body, but he knew he had to do it. Not just for himself, to get out of that spiral of dark thoughts that was dragging him deeper and deeper, but also for Loki.

For their family.

If he truly wanted to be there for them, to be different from Howard the way he intended to, he couldn’t let his past poison his present. Maybe the anxiety attack was okay after all, feeling fear for the events of that  morning as a late-onset wasn’t his fault, all the rest… He should avoid thinking about that altogether.

“It’s all in your head. No one’s blaming you,” Loki whispered at his ear as if he was reading his mind, “No one thinks those things about you, you’re the only one to consider suffering from the aftermath of battle as a shame. It is not. It’s normal. You may have to face the fact that you’re a normal person on some fields.”

“And that’s fine by you?”

“Meaning?”

“A normal person.”

Loki hid a small smile against Tony’s skin, perfectly aware the human was able to feel the curling of his lips, “I love you, so I think I do.”

Loki’s declarations of love were so rare Tony instantly felt better, “Usually I forget how long you’ve actually lived, then you come up with all this wise speech and I’m kind of forced to remember.”

“Through thick and dim, isn’t it something you say here on Midgard?”

“Thin,” Tony chuckled, pressing a soft kiss on Loki’s cheek, “Through thick and thin.”

“Basically the same,” he yawned.

“Okay, that’s enough with playing nurse to me,” Tony prompted him to get down from his lap and to go rest against the pillows stacked on the side of the couch, “If you help me with the manoeuvring a little I think we can both get decently comfortable. Yes, much better,” he said when Loki was.  Carefully tucked against his side as always; switching positions had been good for the moment, being held in Loki’s arms had certainly played a vital part in his calming down without the use of some pills or an excessive amount of alcohol and in a decent amount of time, but going back to the way they always slept helped him understand everything was fine.

“I thought the painkillers had knocked you out,” Loki hummed after a few moments.

“Mmh?”

“What are you doing?” He referred to Tony’s hand that had crept under his shirt and was lazily stroking his skin.

“Oh, this? Nothing.”

“Your hands are all over me.”

“Hand, to be honest.. and I’m not the only one who turns tactile after a rough moment. Look at my neck.”

Loki smirked. He had definitely managed to put an end to Tony’s moment of crisis, “I thought you didn’t mind.”

“Not at all. I rather like it.”

“Right now I don’t think I can play along, though,” he yawned once more.

“Mmh? No, that’s not what I was thinking about. It’s just… I don’t know, it’s comforting being able to touch skin, to…”

“Do we have a blanket here?” Loki interrupted him.

“What? Yes, why?”

“Fetch it,” Loki ordered, and when Tony obliged he pulled the blanket over them, “Here, now get rid of all the clothes you want.”

Tony remained in a stunned silence for a few seconds, then he moved into action, “You’re amazing, Lokes.”

“I know. Now undress me and let me sleep.”

“I don’t like the sound of this.”

“Tony.”

“Fine, fine,” he focused on the task but he was frustratedly forced to stop after some minutes of desperate attempts, “I think I need a hand here.”

Loki simply mumbled in his sleepy state, unbuttoning his own shirt and then turning blindly around to remove Tony’s hoodie, tossing both on the floor, “Happy now?”

“I’ll go with more pleased.”

“Tony, I really…”

“I know, it’s not like I want to do anything more now than to stay here cuddled with you. Sleep well, Bambi.”

“Don’t hesitate to wake me up this time if something’s wrong, right?”

“You need sleep.”

“Anthony.”

“Okay, mom, as you wish,” he kissed Loki’s forehead and watched drift off to sleep.

 

~

 

“Loki? Hey, Loki, wake up.”

“What?” The god huffed when Tony shaking his shoulder managed to pull him off his sleep.

“I don’t like the way you breathe.”

“And I don’t like the way you blink. What the hell does this mean?” Loki grunted at how little sense Tony’s words made.

“No, you’re almost panting. I don’t like that.”

That was true. Loki’s chest was almost heaving, each breath coming out with too much effort to be considered normal.

“I’m just tired. I need a little time to recover. I’ll be alright.”

“You’ve been breathing like this for five hours, Bambi.”

“Oh,” Loki deadpanned. That wasn’t normal. Even after his most powerful spells he had never experienced such a strong aftershock, and this time his use of magic had been minimal; just a little teleporting and taking down those petty criminals. And the spell to open Tony’s suit. And the one to show him the baby in order for him to calm down.

Even adding all those magics they still weren’t much for what he was used to, not even a minimal part of it, but apparently he had overestimated his possibilities in his conditions.

“It’s not normal, right?”

“No…” he panted, his hand creeping to his belly; there was nothing uncommon there, not that he expected to feel something just like that, “Fatigue is normal, but this… this is too much.”

Tony moved around to let Loki settle more comfortably against the pillows of the couch, helping him to get to a half sitting position despite his broken bones.

“It’s too hot in here.”

“The heating is controlled, Lokes, the temperature is always the same,” Tony put his left hand on the god’s forehead, “It’s you who are burning up.”

Loki’s face scrunched in discomfort, “This isn’t a good sign.”

“Is there something I can do?” Tony asked precipitously, worry already disfiguring his traits; if Loki, who didn’t disclose even the smallest weakness if it wasn’t strictly necessary, admitted he wasn’t faring well it was definitely the time to start being preoccupied.

“Water. Bring me some water.”

“Sure,” Tony sprang up, ignoring the pain in his body, and came back with one of the glasses that had escaped Loki’s fit in the morning and with a wet cloth he immediately started using to cool his forehead, “Can you drink by yourself?”

“I’m not an invalid,” Loki snorted, but he was glad Tony was still pressing the wet cloth on his skin.

“Oh, shut up.”

“You shouldn’t be crouching on the floor.”

“And you shouldn’t be pale as a sheet.”

Loki would’ve liked to retort, but he was too busy wheezing.

“Lokes?”

“Just one moment,” his voice came out broken, his words interrupted by the breath itching in his throat.

“Okay, that’s enough.”

“Where are you going?” He asked when Tony laboriously got up.

“I’m calling your mother.”

“You what?”

“She’s the only other person I know who can practice magic, and since you ain’t feeling well because of it…” he let the sentence trail off, disappearing into the corridor and coming back with a small green cube in his hand.

“How did you get that?”

“Mommy. Says you never call, so she gave me a tool to be the one briefing her on what’s going on in your life.”

The fact that Loki failed to insult him only made him worry more. The god had shut his eyes, focusing to establish a regular pattern for his breathing, but failing miserably.

Tony pushed one of the angles of the cube as Frigga had instructed him, and in the round of a couple of minutes the air was already sizzling with magic.

“Anthony?” The goddess questioning voice filled the room even before her body had become completely visible, “Did you call me?”

“We have a situation. Your Grace,” he added in the end, because manners were important to Loki, and that had probably been passed to him by his mother.

“Loki, dearest, what is wrong?” The goddess asked when her eyes landed on her son, laying on the couch, “And what happened to you?” She noticed also the condition in which Tony was versing.

“Long story short? I’m bold, he worries too much.”

“You’re irresponsible, it’s different,” Loki corrected him, cracking an eye open.

“With a little more details?” Frigga crossed the room to sit next to her son and check what was wrong with him; for how worried she was, though, she had to force herself to hide a smile at the sight of how those two interacted.

“He used too much magic to help me,” Tony explained, perching on the armrest next to Loki’s head, threading his fingers in his dark hair.

“You know you should not be practising right now,” his mother scolded him, and Loki tried to snort despite his difficulties at getting enough air in his lungs.

“The situation required my intervention,” the intake of air was even more difficult after putting together those words.

“Only once,” Tony retorted.

“At least twice.”

“I could’ve got out of the suit myself.”

“But you had to see the baby.”

At that Tony shut up. He hadn’t realised that at the moment, still too focused on his anxiety attack, but now he saw what Loki had done to help him relax; he had resorted to magic once more, worsening the condition of his already weakened body.

He would have started panicking again hadn’t Loki started shivering.

“Loki, my dear, stay still,” Frigga ordered as a frown formed on her ageless face. When she put her hand on Loki’s belly her frown only deepened as her magic searched.

“Mother?”

“What’s wrong?”

Frigga’s hand moved to Loki’s forehead, and a sour expression appeared on her features.

“Mother, what’s going on?”

“You temperature, my dear. It’s too high, and it’s damaging the baby.”

Tony’s hand substituted the goddess’ long fingers, “It’s just a fever,” he tried.

“The baby is half jotun, Anthony, even if for a human or an Aesir this variation would mean almost nothing the baby is highly susceptible to the rising in temperature.”

“So it’s because of my… true nature that the baby is suffering?” Loki’s voice almost broke as his hand clenched on his belly.

“Loki, it is only because of your true nature that this baby exists,” Frigga reminded him.

“And it’s my body damaging it.”

“There is a solution to that,” Frigga tried to reassure him, but the sorry expression on her face already spoke of a bad news, “You have to shift into your jotun form, my dear.”

**Author's Note:**

> HI guys!  
> Sorry for taking so long with this new update, but I got lost writing a new Ironfrost (which will be out in a few days), so this took an eternity to write, but I sensed it was right to publish this first :)  
> Thanks for sticking with this story! <3


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